watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
