I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Shame is for Republicans.
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