When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
