I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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