I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
God, I missed his penis.
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