Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
