Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
