so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize