The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
