she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're a waste of cheezeits
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
