Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
