I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize