She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
