exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
