I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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