oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
