I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
