Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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