If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
