Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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