Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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