I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
