Me. At least after what I've been through.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
