i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize