Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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