Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
