He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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