Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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