I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
