I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you didnt know i had herpes?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
