Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
