I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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