masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
