I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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