Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
