fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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