watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
