3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize