I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
