Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
