Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
