i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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