I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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