just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
