I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
