I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
