nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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