Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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