SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
