Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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