your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
