you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
