we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
