I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize