what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
