I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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