no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
