This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
