This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
