Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
