i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize