i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is Oprah even human
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