I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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