if you like me you must not know who I am
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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