We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
