Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
