We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
