I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
