i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
