K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
