if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
