I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize