just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
