weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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