oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
