I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize