Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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