You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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