i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
