My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
