So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
