I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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