when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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