shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
