Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
