Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
