I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
