It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
