Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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