The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
