i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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