After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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