I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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