Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
