How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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