she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
