This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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