If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
