I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
