I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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