U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have aggressive nipples.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
