Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
