I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
