My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
