let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well you can't waste a boner
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
