My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
