The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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