I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize