Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
