Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
